Happy New Year!
While in theory that is an exciting statement made by everyone on this day, if you actually think about it it's actually completely terrifying. Think about it: that's a whole 365 days you have ahead of you after you've just spent a rough 365 days metaphorically falling down a flight of stairs, finding a landing, and then falling back down another flight of stairs that takes you straight into the New Year which everyone expects to ultimately be different than the last.
Perhaps I'm overreacting. But, for good reason.
To catch you up, I have been living in Augusta, Georgia for a month now. I have a job that I like that doesn't pay enough or give me enough hours, but we all have to start somewhere. I just signed the lease on a house with Wes and we move there in a matter of days. All the things that were on my to-do list have been put on the backburner because I seriously have no idea what to do with my life.
There is so much new happening and I'm not mentally prepared for change. My body literally rejects it. It's terrible. But here I am, jumping headfirst into I don't even know what the first week of 2018. Am I crazy? Probably. Is it all good? I hope so.
As I'm moving forward into a new year with so many new things going on, I cant help but ask myself how in the world am I going to accomplish everything I want to without completely making myself have a mental breakdown every other day. I've been writing this book for way longer than I thought I would and I'm still not finished yet. In fact, I'm writing this instead of writing another chapter. Why am I like this? I'm terrified of doing what I want, what makes me happy, because what if I'm not successful? What if I waste all of that time for nothing? The what ifs in the world have a way of taking over your mind in the worst way.
What if I'm making all the wrong decisions in my life right now? There's nothing I can do because, obviously, I don't know that their terrible yet! It's enough to make me go crazy. And, if you're reading this, you may think I'm already there, that I may be a few French fries short of a Happy Meal or I'm a little emotionally or mentally unstable. And, hey, you may be right. But, I'm just bringing forth all of my worries because there's a 90% chance that other people have asked themselves all of this already and have some answers, or there are people also asking them these things and we can start a fun support group. Either one.
All I know is that this thing they call "adulating" is scary and it kind of sucks. No one truly prepares you for this stuff. What are taxes? How do you sew a button? How do you calm down a tantrum-throwing two-year-old? These are the questions that plague us as we get older and the answers evade me! I mean, I have Google and there's a strong chance that people try to explain things to me a lot and I forget, but still.
As I move into my new "house" and continue on with my job, and hopefully finish my stinking book, I hope that we can all send some good vibes to each other because I know we all want 2018 to be a happy and wonderful year. If you've been there and got through it, tell me so I know I'll survive in the end. If you're going through it now, tell me so I know I'm not alone. In a new place, starting a new part of life, and having my first real job, it helps to know I'm not alone.